If it’s not on Facebook, did it really happen?

My dear friend Ashley (that I seem to mention more often then not on here!) wrote a beautiful post the other day about her decision not to walk at graduation.  She discussed “social currency” and its role in making this decision and I just can not get it off of my mind.  Social currency?  You know, the likes you get on Facebook, the favorites you get on your tweets, etc…

This is not the first time that I have attempted to understand social currency and its role in my life.  We spent quite a bit of time in my ethnography class this spring talking about such things.  We talked about the fact that half of a person’s wedding day, graduation day, vacation, etc. now revolve around the pictures that get taken and posted on social media.  And you know what happens from there…the likes start adding up and you feel good and loved and all warm and fuzzy inside.  Thats kinda great, I guess?  But where does that really leave you at the end of the day?  It took each person 2.3 seconds to like that picture.  Literally, no effort at all.  My dog could probably like a picture.  What about meaningful interactions that also keep us connected, like a phone call or a nice email that leave you warm and fuzzy inside much longer?

I’m guilty for partaking in this social currency greed.  I wish I wasn’t.  But there is something about getting a like or a favorite that keeps us posting over and over again.  Ugh, why??  Its as if these likes translate into something more like, “You’re so pretty” or “I’m so jealous of your life.”  Which means when we don’t get likes we think “I must not be pretty enough” or “I guess my life isn’t that cool…”  We look for these likes to legitimize our experiences and confirm that what we’re doing is really cool, that our life is interesting, that we’re really pretty…

As the day I leave for India quickly approaches (June 13th!!!), I have been thinking even more about this.  I mean, sure I want to keep my family (especially all of my really cool aunts!) and close friends updated on my adventures, because isn’t the purpose of social media to keep us connected?  But sometimes posting just turns into a way to brag about your beautiful view (guilty), the places you’ve been, the people you hang out with, or your new outfit…

I don’t want social media to color my experience.  I want to be present when taking everything in and not be worrying about which Instagram filter would make this view look even better or thinking of the witty captions I am going to put on my Facebook pictures.  I don’t want a like to confirm that I’m having a good time.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Facebook and Instagram for allowing me to see what my besties are doing when we’re apart at school, to see the kids I babysit grow up too fast, and of course to creep on the really cute guys in my classes.  But perhaps if we just spared the world from everything we do, kept some moments in our life private and a bit more special, and posted less for the social currency it gets us, we would get out of this addictive relationship with likes and social media and return to more personal ways of keeping in touch.  A phone call, an email, a personal Facebook message, a letter.

So am I going to post anything on social media about my adventure in India?  Probably not, maybe, I don’t know.  But what I am going to do is send occasional email updates to close family and friends.  And I will respond to anyone that asks how I’m doing.  This experience and another huge milestone in my life is too precious to me to be altered by my (and our society’s) relationship with social media.

But if it’s not on Facebook, did it really happen??

Dance is more

When I tell someone that I’m a dance major, they usually say “That’s so cool!” and then look at me funny and ask in a semi concerned manner, “What are you going to do with that?” Most of the time I want to yell “What do you think I’m going to do with it?” or sarcastically tell them that “I’m going to be Beyoncé, duh.”  But, I usually contain myself.  It probably sounds cheesy, but dance means so much more to me than what I’m going to do with it.  I have forever wanted to put into words what that means to me, so here is my attempt at doing just that…

Last semester I was in a piece titled “One Fell Off and Bumped Her Head” choreographed by my good friend, Ashley.  The piece dealt with grief, loss, and the grief we experience before actually losing something or someone.  In the process of creating this piece, my grandpa and a childhood friend passed away on the same day.  Maybe it was because I was older and experiencing grief in a different way than I did when I was younger or because of the state of mind I was put in trying to make sense of life after the death of two people. Whatever it was, I was experiencing grief unlike I ever had before.  After taking a week off of classes, I returned back to school and jumped right back into rehearsals.  From that moment forward, “One Fell Off and Bumped Her Head” became so much more to me than just another piece I was going to perform.

Dance is more than just moving and performing.  Dance is art. Dance is expression. Dance is a means to understand human nature.  And for me last fall, dance was the therapy I needed to get through a really hard time.  Rehearsals transformed into an opportunity for me to check in with myself and make sense of why I felt how I felt and why I was acting the way I was acting.  While pondering how my character was dealing with grief, I realized that metaphorically my character on stage was “dealing with grief” they way I was in reality.  This realization and fruitful discussions that the piece sparked among the dancers and my friends and I, was the healthiest way I could have ever dealt with the state I was in and I will forever be grateful for the piece for giving me that.

The story doesn’t end there.  We were able to perform this piece in Milwaukee at the American College Dance Festival earlier this spring.  After we performed, the five of us headed back down to our dressing room and shortly after, a man knocked on our door, glasses in his hand, wiping the tears off his face, and all he said was, “That was special.”  He left. I completely lost it.  I could not believe that something so near and dear to my heart could touch someone like it did that man.  That’s the power of dance.  If dance can help me through a really hard time and then connect with someone else and let us both know that we are not alone, then that is pretty fricking awesome.

After finishing up another great show this weekend I am overjoyed with the opportunities that I have to express myself through dance and will forever be grateful for all who have ever supported me and helped me develop into the artist I am today.  So the next time someone asks me, “What are you going to do with that?”  I’m going to ask right back, “What can’t I do?”

 

 

Stop the glorification of busy

You could think of this post as a mini campaign, a plea for change, another one of my attempts to solve world peace.  However you see it, I hope that after reading it you consider to help stop the glorification of busy.  Some people thrive in busyness and some people, like myself, just don’t.  When our society glorifies multi tasking and overbooked schedules it’s hard to believe that not being busy is okay.  I cannot even count the number of times I have felt guilty for taking an hour of free time to do what I please while everyone else is running around cramming as much as they can in to the short twenty four hours that make up a day.  Believe me, from high school through my first two years of college I packed my day with as much time as I could for friends, homework, class, meals, meetings, work, dance rehearsals, more homework, and sometimes a bit of sleep.  I’ve been there, done that, and know that it’s not for me anymore.

I’m not saying that everyone needs to drop everything they’re doing and live a less busy life, although it’s worth a shot if you ask me.  I’m just saying that its not a competition.  We don’t need to “out busy” any one else.

When I first started writing this blog post, I had all intentions to convince everyone to slow down and stop overbooking, but who am I to tell you what to do?  Like I said, some people thrive in their busy lives.  But perhaps you could ask yourself, do I want to be this busy with overlapping meetings, incomplete time spent with friends and family, and almost zero time to relax and be alone, or is this what our never stopping, multitasking society has decided for me?

Stop the glorification of busy.  We all have twenty four hours in a day, but you can choose how you want to spend them.  I tried to keep this post less of a rant and more of something to think about, but my I am going to rant for one sentence and that is it.  If you do choose to be busy, don’t complain or brag about it because its not a competition. Stop the glorification of busy.

Think outside the box

Lent.  From my experience, people begin to scramble as Ash Wednesday suddenly approaches to decide what they are going to give up for the next 40 days.  From pop, to sugar, to junk food, and Facebook, most people resurrect their New Year’s resolution that already failed and use Lent as a second go at a transformation to break a bad habit, whether for religious purposes or not (that’s another story).

Two years ago, I gave up sweets for Lent (like 80% of my friends).  Sure it was rewarding and refreshing to avoid sugar for 40 days and I was in fact a little less “addicted” to sugar by the end, but last year I wanted something that would really change me.  So I began to brainstorm (google) different things to give up for Lent.  After some searching I found exactly what I was looking to give up.  I gave up negativity.  Negative thoughts, negative conversations, negative relationships.  Was it successful?  Well, yes and no.  Obviously (and unfortunately) I wasn’t able to completely avoid negativity because this is life and not a perfect fairytale.  But, I was more conscious of negativity which allowed me to walk away from avoidable negative situations and think twice before saying something negative for no reason.

Did I come off as a less negative person after the 40 days?  I don’t know, you tell me.  But, did I feel different?  Definitely.  I felt happier, friendlier, and in an overall better mood all the time.  And it didn’t stop after those 40 days.  They say it takes about 28 days to break a habit and it appeared that I had broken mine.

This year I did some more searching and rather than giving something up, I’m going to take something up.  I came across this video.  Basically, they have found that showing gratitude to others can make you significantly happier yourself.  If you have the time, take a few minutes (or 7) to check it out.  Or bookmark it for a later date.  It’s worth it, I promise.

So, I’m going to make it my goal to show gratitude to 40 people in my life whether it be by phone, letter, a short text, a post on their Facebook wall, an email, or even better: in person. One each day.

Think outside the box.  What will you give up/take up for Lent?  Whether you’re religious or not, now is the perfect time to try something new for 40 days.  And nothing is more rewarding than looking back after those 40 days at what you accomplished.

Lupita Nyong’o’s Speech on Beauty

A wonderful and inspirational video for anyone of any race.

“You can’t eat beauty. It doesn’t feed you…you can’t rely on how you look to sustain you. What is fundamentally beautiful is compassion for yourself and for those around you.”

Find it in everything

I received one of the nicest surprises in my PO box today.  My mom sent me “Find It in Everything” by Drew Barrymore, a book of photographs that Drew had captured of hearts found in everyday places.  “Even in the trash, you can find hope where you least expect it,”  Drew captions a picture of a straw wrapper lying in the shape of a heart on the sidewalk.  Drew smiles at the sight of it, a heart in an unexpected place.

Serendipity: finding something good without looking for it.  My favorite word and my it.  It brings me joy.  It colors my world.  It has to power to completely change my perspective.  Don’t believe me?

My good friend Maria is a beautiful singer.  I wanted more than anything to hear her solo during her choir concert this past fall but unfortunately had two other commitments at the same time.  I was rushing from one meeting to the next, cutting through Boe Chapel to avoid the cold, not even thinking that the concert was going on, until I walked in just as Maria’s solo began.  I stopped and listened.  I couldn’t help but smile and be grateful for the serendipitous moment I had just encountered.  Not only was I able to hear her sing, I was reminded to slow down and appreciate the moment.  My day was made and that smile lasted the rest of the day.  What could have been another fast paced walk through the chapel was completely transformed by the serendipity that I found.

Serendipitous moments are what make me smile.  Serendipity is my it.

What is your it?  How is it going to color your world when you open your eyes and find it in everything?

Stop

I was waiting in line to fill up my water bottle yesterday when the girl in front of me turned around and saw that I was waiting.  “Oh, sorry!” she said.  “Don’t worry about it,” I replied.  But, what I really wanted to say was: What are you sorry for?  You’re sorry that you were thirsty?  You’re sorry that you decided to fill up your water bottle at this drinking fountain too?  STOP.

Stop apologizing for “looking so bad today.”

Stop apologizing for eating so much or not enough.

Stop apologizing for not responding to a text message quick enough.

Stop apologizing for going to bed early.

Stop apologizing for staying in on a Friday night.

Stop apologizing for being you.

If we feel the need to constantly justify ourselves to others, how will we ever accept ourselves for who we truly are?

Love, someone that’s sick of ranting

Well, I have now typed and proceeded to delete this first sentence about 20 times now.  I would say that this blogging thing is off to a great start…Here it goes anyway:

If you know me at all, you have probably heard one of my rants about “society” (I’m a Sociology & Anthropology major, I can’t help that I see the world in a completely different way than most).  But, just incase you have never been fortunate enough to catch a glimpse of these rants, I usually start by talking about how fed up I am with the media’s influence on body image, which leads to my frustration with the culture at St. Olaf and it’s wear and tear on one’s mental health, and then ends with either a jab at how social media is to blame for all of this or how sad I am that so many people suffer from so much self-hate and lack of self-confidence.  Well I’m sick of ranting.  I want to DO something.

So I began to brainstorm.  How was I, a junior at St. Olaf College in the middle of nowhere (aka Northfield, MN), going to make a difference?  As much as I wish I could solve world peace and fix every single thing I see wrong with this world we live in, I can’t.  So I have decided to start small.  Very small.

I’m not here to give advice.  I’m not going to offer solutions to every problem I see.  I just want to inspire.

I want to inspire everyone to practice self-love and self-acceptance.  I want to inspire people to slow down and  find those little moments of happiness that do in fact exist among the chaos in our lives.  If I could inspire just one person out of the five people that read this blog (Hi mom!)  that would make this all worth it in my mind.  My dream? That that one person would inspire others to live a healthier and happier life.  Perhaps they would then inspire their friends and their friends would inspire their families and eventually everyone would be little easier on themselves, enjoy the little things in life, and maybe, just maybe, I would solve world peace.  A girl can dream, right?

So, enough with all of the fluffy, happy, rainbow, and unicorn details of my dreams.  How do I plan on doing this exactly? I’m going to share my own journey by sharing things that inspire me, with the hope that they will inspire you too!  After all, it’s more about the journey than the destination.

Well, I did it.  My first blog post.  I hope you continue to check back and see what this blog has in store because I am also curious of what this blog will turn out to be.